Getting used to the unknown

I was always a planner, a goal maker, and an achiever. I had an uncanny ability to believe in myself and the certainty that every goal I had would be checked off. Living in northern Minnesota meant I still had room for fun and silliness. But I knew where I would be and had grand plans of the path needed to get there.

My husband is the exact opposite. He is spontaneous and free. That's probably why I was drawn to him after my collegiate career was finished. I had achieved all my goals and without anything on the horizon besides my upcoming employment at Wells Fargo, I realized I had the ability to be free too. He was different than any guy I had dated before and I loved the way he moved through life. 

We had a curvy road that eventually led us to where we are today. And as much as we try to influence each other, we still have the same personalities. We learn from each other and have a balance that works. Most of the time. :)

The planner in me was preparing for his next duty station. Craving every ounce of info I could get regarding the early release process, pcs'ing to the other side of the world, and the "what will I do?" unknown was exciting! I was planning our life in a foreign country and was excited by the prospect of the unknown. 

His heart, on the other hand, has taught me that not everything in life can be planned for. 

Two weeks ago I went to St. Louis to visit my best friend from high school, Annie, and meet her new bundle of joy, Aaron. I also snuck in a visit with Mr. Christopher Hanley, Moment's old mechanic. Had a great weekend even though it was fridged. I bought a new long down jacket just for the occasion. {It's currently 70 degrees in San Diego, the jacket is now useless.}

Back on the home front, Kyle was trying to ride his bike with some Brady-Cardia episodes. Unbeknownst to him, his heart rate was at 40 and not responding to effort. Not pumping blood to his extemedies thus his hand and feet were going numb. A DNF and back to the drawing board. Tuesday he tried to commute to work via his bike and made it 10 pedal strokes before turning back. I was on my own ride, so he drove himself to the ER. They admitted him and after a visit with his cardiologist, they decided the pacemaker was the only option. His EKG had totally flipped, going from his "normal" high heart rate svt with exercise and right bundle branch block, to this bradycardia episode with a left bundle block. Wtf. 

The first night they woke him for a scrub down and he passed out and his heart stopped for 9 seconds. His cardiologist was pissed when she found out the next morning and they hadn't moved him to the ICU or contacted her. After a long wait for the cath lab to open, he went down for the implantation. And came back a new boy. Kidding. 

He was released Thursday. He had a rough weekend and some odd palpitations but tried to trust in his new technology. Last Thursday was his pacer followup and wound check and he decided to throw some odd stuff at his docs. SVT, AVNRT, Brady. It all came while they had the monitor on. Unfortunately the cath lab is closed for maintenance so they put off his next ablation till tomorrow. He's had multiple "attacks" this weekend. So now he has to go back to the lab for hopefully his final (4th) ablation. To cut off his hearts ability to tick. And to fully rely on his pacemaker 100%. Because clearly his heart has demonstrated that it can't function properly. As he says, "Go home av node; you're drunk." 

Where are we at? In limbo. And it sucks. I promise I'll do a more positive post about my recent race experiences at VOS and the new San Diego Omnium. And my new bike! 

We are hanging in there. One day at a time. #willsdynasty