Saturday, January 28, 2012


I've always been a dreamer. Well, I think most people are. I just have an odd tendency to remember them. My old roommates and now my husband must have gotten sick of listening to me babble each morning. I find if I talk about it right when I wake up, I remember it with more clarity, however I don't ever do anything with them; I don't keep a dream journal. Now, with husband gone and old roommates in different time zones or schedules, I haven't taken note of anything crazy. Until two weeks ago.

{My new favorite song and album}

So I had a dream. The most vivid dream I've ever had. The clearest dream I've ever had. And the most emotionally powerful dream I've ever had.

The northern lights were gorgeous. In my real non-dream life, I have seen the northern lights 2 times. Nothing could compare to what I saw in the dream. They were the most vibrant color of green I could ever imagine. And the "northern" lights were happening right here in San Diego. I was the first person to notice, and I happened to be in a very large field, almost like an old farmland. More and more people were gathering to watch this amazing feat of the sky. The green colors were the most vibrant colors I have ever seen, in a dream or real life. The flowing and ever moving green streaks were getting brighter. A lightening and electric storm was coming through. No rain, just beautiful bolts of brightness, lighting the green even more. This beauty went on for a while, and slowly died off. Eventually their were airplanes. Big jets. They apparently had been circling and couldn't be in the area, much less land because of the lightening. All of a sudden, their lights are flashing and going out. They are making horrible noises. They were clearly affected by the storm. None of them have landing gear out. And all of a sudden, one by one, they come crashing down on their bellies at a very high speed. People are scattering like mad. I started running the wrong way. I looked up. And a plane was coming straight for me. It hit me. And nothing hurt. All of a sudden everything went white. Like super clear and beautiful white. And I woke up.

I woke up with a renewed sense of happiness. I was content. And then I remembered what just happened. And I was super freaked out. I have never died in my dreams.

So I did some research. Northern lights in dreams:

To see the northern lights in your dream represent renewed energy, vitality, awe, insight and youth.  A situation or relationship will be made clear to you or a positive spiritual experience will fill you with warmth and love. You will gain some amazing new wisdom and knowledge. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you know what you need to do, but may be too lazy or too afraid to jump into action. 

Couldn't be more true. And death:

To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol.  Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.


Having a husband deployed is only something that you can totally understand and grasp if it is something that you have gone through personally. No one can prepare you for this. I'm not trying to say it's so horrible and bad and everyone please feel sorry for me. No, that's not it at all. I'm actually making the most of this "alone" time [although I rarely feel "alone"]. I have been making some personal internal changes that I'm starting to feel really good about. More on that down the road. We are 1/3 of the way through this deployment [with the current "schedules", however who really knows?] but I still feel our love growing.

OKAY! Enough with the sappiness. Training blog. Back to dreaming. I have some dream achievements for this Panama experience. Dreams aren't supposed to be set low, because when reaching a dream, the reward is that much greater. So there are goals and dreams. And I suppose some expectations. All of which will be in my back pocket on race day. 

Carlsbad race report and training update soon to come. Leaving with this shot of beautiful San Diego. On the top of Mt. Soledad today with Noko and Ian. Soooo clear. So warm. SO amazing. Thank you Kyle for doing what you do so I can do this.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

{love} and [hate]

Running. I love to hate it. I have so many reasons. I'm not fast enough. Not competitive enough. It "hurts" to much. I hate pounding. It's too cold. It's too hot. It's not social enough. Okay, enough of the excuses.

Running. I hate to love it. I have so many reasons. I'm seeing {large} improvements. I'm getting faster. I love the "hurt." It feels good to be done. Accomplishment. Personal bests. It is social. Fitness. Confidence.

So as you can see, running is quite the emotional struggle. And it's always a physical struggle. And mental? We won't even go there.

So what keeps me going? Well this view isn't too shabby. Being back in OB is great. The ocean is a couple of warmup blocks away and this is my regular view for the short runs. I get to run past where Kyle and I got married. This "winter" thing in San Diego isn't too shabby sometimes.

I was home for Christmas with a big run block planned, since [obviously] I couldn't ride in northern MN over Christmas break. haha. So I ran. I got home late Christmas eve. Woke on xmas morning and had family time opening the presents. Eating the delicious and infamous mom's homemade carmel rolls. 3 of them. And then running. 6 miles with the brother. Made him puke. Might have been due to his diet of beer on xmas eve, and beef jerky/cinnamon roll/oj breakfast, combined with a rather thick Gu at mile 4.5 - classic.

love you mom. it's a good thing i don't make it home very often, or I'd have to run even more miles!!

brother love! was psyched he wanted to join me!!

yes, there was a bit of snow on our run. be glad i didn't take a pic of rob's aftermath

crazy free lightshow in Duluth, MN
#2 run was an epic birthday run. 18 degree weather, 3 degrees with windchill. 12 miles on the docket. FML. Clothing list: Noko's warm running tights, smartwool thick snowboard socks, smartwool baselayer, nike longsleeve tech shirt, hat, neck warmer, light running gloves. Ipod. Waterbottle. It wasn't enough. Ran to my friends' parents house and took a break at mile 5 for saran wrap around the belly. I thought I'd be the only crazy person out. Nope. Saw a high school-ish age girl running in capris and a cotton long sleeve!! Is she crazier?! YES!

doggy love. sharing the couch with little miss Lady. quality time catching up on  not so quality tv.
#3 Lake of the Isles run with triathlete buddy Nordica. Super crazy day in MSP visiting friends before an evening flight. Parents were chauffeuring me around all day and dropped me at her house in the evening for a quick 5 mile run around the lakes with her tri buddy training for St. George [Who signs up for St. George IM living in a cold place, doing actual "winter" training?! Craziness]. Anyway, finished the run, took a 2 min shower and got a ride to the airport and hopped on the plane home.
cousin love! Harper loving the facetime camera on my iphone. super cute.

Back in San Diego, 2012 has been filled with a very balanced training plan. 3-4 runs, 2-3 bikes. 2ish swims a week. Not super intense, nothing crazy, just putting in the work and getting it done. And I got through a dark spot last week and made it out alive today.
recovery. noon masters. shine. love.
Ran my 13.1 personal best as a solo training run before work last weekend. Noko and Erin have been super helpful, offering to run with me even though I'm much slower than they are.

new shorts always help the motivation to get out the door and run. birthday present from Erin
It hasn't been perfect. I've missed out on a bit. I haven't been quite as diligent as the IM plan. But I'm rolling with the strides [literally] and having fun doing it. Racing in a week. Carlsbad half marathon. I'm freaking nervous. Seriously, Rachel? I think I just dread toeing the line of a race knowing I won't be finishing anywhere near the top. Boohoo. I am a competitive person. And Sunday is all about being internally competitive and driving myself to hopefully a PR. It's about gaining confidence for Panama.

uh yeah. no explanation needed. EARNED!
I got my flight to Panama today!! Woohoo! It's really happening!! TriBikeTransport canceled their Panama service. I got a full refund...and a free future trip for my bike that doesn't expire! [hmm where to next?!] But that means Kermit will have to travel with me. Luckily Brendan has an SUV and is able to cart me and kermy around. [Thank You!!]

Even better news? I got to talk to Kyle last night for 16 minutes. I miss him so much. Even from afar, he's been super supportive of me. It's hard to think we aren't even halfway through this deployment, but I such is life. Right now, we are putting together his dream bike. And as much as I love Kermit and Cookie Monster, I'm having HUGE bike envy right about now. Looking forward to piecing it together and getting it built up for him. #bikenerds.

Feeling a renewed sense of happiness right now.